I really don't wanna be here

"Here" being my mental state.

I find that the happier I am, the more I listen to music, sing spontaneously, and generally play with my silly accents.

I've done very little of those things lately.

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I honestly don't know how to express how much of a wreck I am. Imagine a semi speeding down a hill, and the brakes are gone. Everything is not okay. Things are not in control. Things I don't like to think about and am afraid to admit to come out. I'm lost.

Ever since I started school for what I do I've felt like I'm not smart enough. Yes, I passed the tests, and yes, I found a job, but the whole time I felt like I was fooling everyone else. Didn't they see that I had no idea what was going on? I have no idea how I passed the tests. Lucky, I guess.

I wish I was still at home. And maybe that I was in elementary school again. And forever. But things can't just stay simple, can they?

Ugh this is stupid. What an awful post. But I'll admit something here.

I scare myself, sometimes.