ups and downs

The downs: I gained 4 lbs in the last two weeks. Fell off the Weight Watcher wagon again... But trying to climb back on. Successful so far, though I haven't been able to convince myself to exercise recently. I'm getting over a pretty fierce cold, and that was a setback. 

The ups: the cold is ending! Still got the sniffles and coughing, but it's okay. I also found some magic hair products. 

This is Organix argan oil. It's wonderful. I was skeptical of the oils on my hair myself, but I thought I would give it a try, and did a minimal amount the first time. Just on the ends. I have my hair dyed in the ombre style, so it's basically bleached blonde at the ends and tends to get knotty and split ended easily. This oil though... Smoothed my ends, made my hair lovely soft. The next day I used it a little bit more generously, and I love it. It smells nice, and when my hair air dries or dries overnight it allows for soft waves in my hair without a lot of frizziness. 

Follow up your argan oil on your wet hair with this stuff:

I love this mousse. Again, Organix product. I like this mousse because it smells lovely (coconut!) and it gives my hair some nice volume and style without adding any crunchiness. Perfect for the night before I am going to roll out of bed, run my fingers through my hair, and go to work. 

Now, I suppose I should say that I have fine, color treated long hair. Lots of hair, but very fine. It tangles easily and tends to be straight or a little bit wavy if I give it the right product. This product combination is what I use daily after a shower in the evenings (who has time to shower in the mornings, amirite?) and I love the hair I wake up with. After I straighten my bangs, of course. 

Now, I have a constant difficulty with getting out of bed on time. I am always (ALWAYS) running late if I need to be somewhere in the mornings. I basically throw on the clothes I found, put my hair in a bun, grab my lunch, and run out the door after I take my dog out in the mornings. No breakfast. No makeup. No accessories. I'm just not a morning person. I'm going to try to change that, and by the end of the year, I want to be one of those healthy people who can go to the gym in the mornings and come home and have some time to get ready! It's the dream. One step at a time. Next step: lay out my clothes every night, including accessories. Let's do this!

Next time: my full week using makeup every. Single. Day. 

Laters,

Kiks

I don't know what to do. Grosse Pointe or somewhere else? I feel like I am about to shatter into a million pieces. Moving back home will either stabilize me or just let me fall back on being dependent on my family again. I need to be an adult, but how can I be an adult when I only feel like half a person?

I know that I could never deliberately hurt myself. Friends and family who know that I've come close don't realize I never could. It would have consequences beyond my own life, I know that. But that's part of the reason it seems so endless. I cannot even begin to grasp the enormity of having a life feeling this hopeless forever. It sounds exhausting. It is exhausting. 

Daytime is okay. There are distractions. But at night the dark closes in and I feel so lost, the kind of lost where everything is pitch black and you don't even know which way is up or if your eyes are opened or closed. Why do I feel so splintered when others can at least see directions?