I know that I could never deliberately hurt myself. Friends and family who know that I've come close don't realize I never could. It would have consequences beyond my own life, I know that. But that's part of the reason it seems so endless. I cannot even begin to grasp the enormity of having a life feeling this hopeless forever. It sounds exhausting. It is exhausting.
Daytime is okay. There are distractions. But at night the dark closes in and I feel so lost, the kind of lost where everything is pitch black and you don't even know which way is up or if your eyes are opened or closed. Why do I feel so splintered when others can at least see directions?