Thursday, January 16, 2014

my most recent problem...

Because all I do is bitch, apparently. 

I don't even know what I would do if I wasn't doing Speech Language Pathology. Honestly if I had my way I would probably sit at home and blog and surf the web all day. But let's be real: I am not witty enough to be a blogger. Or not a blogger that actually makes money. I'm not smart enough to do important things; I'm not crafty enough to do something really creative I could sell to others. And I have way too much pride to go do something mundane like waitressing or folding sweaters at Old Navy while I wait for inspiration to strike.

So I guess I go on being miserable, all the while suspecting that the reason I am miserable is my job. Waiting for the day that everyone realizes that I am a fraud and that I must've gotten my degree by mistake because I definitely couldn't tell you most of what I learned in neuroscience and speech science. Which is really a shame, since those are my favorite areas. I'm just not really smart enough to be part of it. 

On the outside looking in at all those people who may not know what they are doing with their lives, but at least are intelligent enough to do something. Always. I've never been great at thigs, just good enough. I'm a good enough singer for choirs (unprofessionally of course), I was a good enough dancer in high school to be in competitive show choir. I'm good enough at being funny. But only when it doesn't count. 

And I suppose I'm a good enough writer to make a blog entry about not being good enough. 

But I'm terrified I'll never be happy. 

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